Peer Review 15

Review of James Fusaro's video essay on its form and content.

One of the things I liked about James' video was his interaction with the camera.  The way he spoke made it seem like he was talking to me as a friend, and he made good use of facial expressions, hand gestures, and voice inflections.  Furthermore, the video clearly meets the requirements for the project and contains a good deal of reflection.

What I didn't like was that the entire video was just James talking to the camera.  While it works, it becomes a little stale and difficult to keep paying attention to for 14 minutes (which he recognized).  I would recommend adding in video clips and images to break of segments of the video.  For example, when you mention Brother Dean, you could show a video clip of Brother Dean preaching or at least show an image while you talk over it.  

I would also perhaps recommend cutting down on some of the content, or at least reshooting so that less time is taken up.  There are a lot of moments where you pause to find your words which adds a lot of excess time to the video.

Overall, the video was well done.  The content is fantastic, and there just needs to be work done to make the video more entertaining and meet the genre's conventions better.

Editorial Report 15B

ROUGH CUT:

For the first project of the semester, I wasn't really sure what I was getting into.  I honestly procrastinated way too much so that when it was time to upload my rough draft of the project, mine was not ready till the following day.  I also underestimated how long all of the blog posts would take.  I ended up spending 10+ hours superbowl Sunday scrambling to finish all of my posts, not a fun experience.  Doing all of the blog posts for this project did open my eyes to how much work needs to be put into research in order to make a credible and detailed project.  For one of the blog posts, I had to gather 10 sources and go into detail about each source.  I have honestly never had to gather that many sources for a writing project before, so it was really eye-opening to see all of the work that is necessary in creating a good research paper.  In terms of creating a QRG, I found a QRG to be rather easy to make and I liked it as a genre in terms of being effective in getting my points across in an easy to understand and efficient manner.  At the end of the day, project 1 was really the experience that made me realize my previous writing experiences are quiet different in terms of preparation and genre compared to what I would be doing in this course.  I guess it was the "peak of the mountain" in terms of difficulty as well because after this project, I found the other projects to be easier because I knew what would be expected of me.

REVISED VERSION:


For the first project of the semester, I wasn't really sure what I was getting into.  I honestly procrastinated way too much so that when it was time to upload my rough draft of the project, mine was not ready till the following day.  I also underestimated how long all of the blog posts would take.  I ended up spending 10+ hours superbowl Sunday scrambling to finish all of my posts, not a fun experience.  Doing all of the blog posts for this project did open my eyes to how much work needs to be put into research in order to make a credible and detailed project.  For one of the blog posts, I had to gather 10 sources and go into detail about each source.  I have honestly never had to gather that many sources for a writing project before, so it was really eye-opening to see all of the work that is necessary in creating a good research paper.

The genre I chose for the first project was a QRG which I found to be rather easy to make and I liked it the most as a genre in terms of being effective in getting my points across in an easy to understand and efficient manner.  At the end of the day, project 1 was really the experience that made me realize my previous writing experiences are quite different in terms of preparation and genre compared to what I would be doing in this course.  I guess it was the "peak of the mountain" in terms of difficulty as well because after this project, I found the other projects to be easier to complete because I knew what would be expected of me and how I should better manage my time.

How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

The content changes were slight, I edited a couple sentences and added a couple in order to make my script easier to understand and flow better.

How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

The new version is longer and also flows better.

Editorial Report 15A

ROUGH CUT:

I am nearing the end of my Freshman year of college, and more specifically, finishing up with my one and only college English class ENG 109H.  During my time in 109H, I have spent countless hours creating content, writing and assembling 3 distinct projects.  The purpose of this video is reflection.  Reflecting on both my evolution as a writer and as an individual throughout the school year and the class. I will be specifically explaining who I was as a writer at the beginning of the course, and then describe how I have evolved due to my experiences with each project.  The projects for this class were indeed interesting to say the least.  Before entering this class, the only genre I have had extensive experience in was a standard essay.  But I had a lot of fun in learning the ins and outs of other common genres and creating them for my own.  Admittedly, at the beginning of the semester I was a major procrastinator and honestly I don't believe that has changed.  However, I have learned the value of not procrastinating, because the few times I actually got my blog work done ahead of schedule, I felt much better and less stressed out.  Anyways, let's dive in to the mind of Ryan Wolfe the writer, January 2016.

REVISED VERSION:


I am nearing the end of my Freshman year of college at the University of Arizona, and more specifically, finishing up with my first and actually only college English class that I will need to take, ENG 109H. The purpose of this video is reflection.  Reflecting on the countless hours of creating content, writing, and assembling 3 distinct projects for ENG 109H and how I have evolved as a writer and even as a human being due to these experiences.

*PLAY VIDEO CLIP*

While I wouldn’t necessarily describe myself as a bum, but at the beginning of the semester writing process and understandings of the different genres were certainly lacking.  Prior to this class, the last English class I was in was AP English back in High School, where I only wrote standard essays.  But due to my time in AP, I would say that my writing abilities are not bad if not good.  However, this course demanded the creation of a Podcast, a Quick- Reference Guide, and a video essay (which you are now watching).  Because I only had extensive experience with standard essays, it was somewhat of a struggle to create some of the required genres.  In terms of my writing process,  admittedly, at the beginning of the semester I was a major procrastinator and honestly I don't believe that has changed.  However, I have learned the value of not procrastinating, because the few times I actually got my blog work done ahead of schedule, I felt much better and less stressed out.

How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

The changes I made broke up my introduction into 2 segments, one segment introducing my project and the other talking a bit about actual reflection.  I feel as though the newer version expresses my points in a much clearer manner and is easier to follow in terms of listening (i.e. it flows better).

How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

The new version is longer and also included a video clip. The video clip helps keep the audience engaged and interested.

Open Post to Peer Reviewers

So I wasn't really sure how to go about this final project, so I ended up doing a sort of narrative of the three projects that we have already completed with my thoughts on each as well as overall thoughts about the class/things I have learned.

I feel as though my voice over is a weak point of my video because it was really awkward speaking to myself and I feel as though it doesn't flow very well.

I liked the way I mingled in video clips throughout my video because I thought it kept the video engaging and added some humor.

LINK TO VIDEO

Peer Review

Peer review of Gabby Dietrich's QRG on its content.

I feel like the content of Gabby's intro to her QRG aligns with the purpose of the final project.  However, I think the title is misleading in that it makes it seem as though the QRG is an argument instead of a reflection.  I would recommend that the tone and diction that is used makes it clear that the QRG is a reflection instead of an argument.

The transition between the opening monologue and the segment "Who Was I as a writer" seems strange in my opinion.  It doesn't really flow in terms of ideas because the opening monologue doesn't really suggest that the QRG is specifically about you as a writer.  I would suggest to state in the opening paragraphs what the QRG is going to be about (reflecting on you as a writer).  Besides that, the content is good, I liked how you pulled a quote that you wrote from the beginning of the semester and it works really well in the context of the QRG.

You commented on this last part, but I agree in that there is too much heavy-handed sarcasm and I feel like you took the metaphor at the beginning too far.  It just seemed forced to me.

Production Report B

Outline Item

Talk about the first project of the semester.  I did a QRG for this project.  Note how I found this to be the easiest genre to write in, but the project content itself was rather difficult to assemble.  Explain how a lot of research went into the project which was new to me.  Talk about how I found the blog posts to be rather overwhelming. 

Adaption of Outline Item

*Script*

For the first project of the semester, I wasn't really sure what I was getting into. I honestly procrastinated way too much so that when it was time to upload my rough draft of the project, mine was not ready till the following day. I also underestimated how long all of the blog posts would take. I ended up spending 10+ hours superbowl Sunday scrambling to finish all of my posts, not a fun experience. Doing all of the blog posts for this project did open my eyes to how much work needs to be put into research in order to make a credible and detailed project. For one of the blog posts, I had to gather 10 sources and go into detail about each source. I have honestly never had to gather that many sources for a writing project before, so it was really eye-opening to see all of the work that is necessary in creating a good research paper. In terms of creating a QRG, I found a QRG to be rather easy to make and I liked it as a genre in terms of being effective in getting my points across in an easy to understand and efficient manner. At the end of the day, project 1 was really the experience that made me realize my previous writing experiences are quiet different in terms of preparation and genre compared to what I would be doing in this course. I guess it was the "peak of the mountain" in terms of difficulty as well because after this project, I found the other projects to be easier because I knew what would be expected of me.

*play videos*

How did you decide to use form to present your content in the raw material you’ve shared here? How did the conventions of your chosen genre influence your choices?

I only provided the script to my video essay for this blog post. This is because I haven't had the time to acquire the necessary equipment to create the audio and video segments of my project. However, having a script is immensely helpful in making sure the audio and video production goes smoothly.

How did the production of this raw material go? What kinds of any hiccups, challenges, successes, creative epiphanies, etc. occurred during the process?

Writing the script for this portion was pretty simple. I had a lot of thoughts about project 1 so it was easy to get stuff down on paper that I could use for my project.

Production Report A

Outline Item

Open up the video by introducing myself and who I was as a writer at the beginning of the semester before I experienced the course.  This self-introduction will actually be a good portion of my video essay because I feel it is important to explain how I was as a writer (I will focus on my procrastination and that I only had knowledge of the essay genre).  I will then explain how the rest of the video essay will go over how I evolved as a writer as I went through the course and completed each of the first 3 projects.  

Adaption of Outline Item

*Script*

I am nearing the end of my Freshman year of college, and more specifically, finishing up with my one and only college English class ENG 109H. During my time in 109H, I have spent countless hours creating content, writing and assembling 3 distinct projects. The purpose of this video is reflection. Reflecting on both my evolution as a writer and as an individual throughout the school year and the class. I will be specifically explaining who I was as a writer at the beginning of the course, and then describe how I have evolved due to my experiences with each project. The projects for this class were indeed interesting to say the least. Before entering this class, the only genre I have had extensive experience in was a standard essay. But I had a lot of fun in learning the ins and outs of other common genres and creating them for my own. Admittedly, at the beginning of the semester I was a major procrastinator and honestly I don't believe that has changed. However, I have learned the value of not procrastinating, because the few times I actually got my blog work done ahead of schedule, I felt much better and less stressed out. Anyways, let's dive in to the mind of Ryan Wolfe the writer, January 2016.

*play videos*

How did you decide to use form to present your content in the raw material you’ve shared here? How did the conventions of your chosen genre influence your choices?

Well I only provided the script to my video essay for this blog post. This is because I haven't had the time to acquire the necessary equipment to create the audio and video segments of my project. However, having a script is immensely helpful in making sure the audio and video production goes smoothly.

How did the production of this raw material go? What kinds of any hiccups, challenges, successes, creative epiphanies, etc. occurred during the process?

Writing the script for my video essay was not too bad. There is the issue of still creating the audio and video portions of the project, but since I have already outlined everything I need to do, putting it into practice shouldn't be too bad.

Production Schedule

April 29

Brainstorm ideas for project and create outline.

April 30

Write script for project

May 1

Create blog posts for deadline

May 2

Assemble video footage

May 3

Record audio

May 4

Edit video together

May 5

Revise video

May 6

Turn in Finalized project

All of these dates will be mostly done in and around my dorm for writing and assembling video and audio footage.  For equipment, I will need to rent a video camera and microphone.

Project 4 Outline

Here is my outline for my final project in ENG 109H!  My genre for this project will be a video essay.

Intro:

Open up the video by introducing myself and who I was as a writer at the beginning of the semester before I experienced the course.  This self-introduction will actually be a good portion of my video essay because I feel it is important to explain how I was as a writer (I will focus on my procrastination and that I only had knowledge of the essay genre).  I will then explain how the rest of the video essay will go over how I evolved as a writer as I went through the course and completed each of the first 3 projects.  

Body 1 (Project 1)

Talk about the first project of the semester.  I did a QRG for this project.  Note how I found this to be the easiest genre to write in, but the project content itself was rather difficult to assemble.  Explain how a lot of research went into the project which was new to me.  Talk about how I found the blog posts to be rather overwhelming.

Body 2 (Project 2)

Talk about the second project of the semester.  Podcast.  Explain how I found this project difficult because I procrastinated a lot and ended up having to quickly record and assemble the actual audio for the project.  Explain how I also had difficulties with the audio tech (audacity).  I didn’t really understand why the podcast would help me as a writer, because it seemed to be more helpful as an entertainer which shouldn’t really be what the course is about.

Body 3 (Project 3)

Third project.  Talk about how I actually enjoyed this project because I was passionate about my topic.  Explain how I was more comfortable with this project because I knew how to write a good argument essay.  Show footage of myself writing.

Conclusion

Go over how my experiences in this course has made me a better writer.  Explain all of the aspects of writing that I consider myself to be much stronger in (rhetorical situation/strategies).  Talk about personal feelings about the course.

Peer Review 13B

I reviewed Missy Webb's essay on its content/form

One major thing that I would recommend Missy change is to explicitly state what her stance on her argument is in her introduction paper.  This would help let the reader know what the paper they are reading is about as well as provide focus to the paper.  Another thing about the intro is that there are a lot of rhetorical questions.  I liked the usage of them but there seems to be a lot.  Perhaps removing some of the rhetorical questions so that they aren't so many could be a good idea.

When citing Twitter, I feel as though saying (@ name on Twitter) is not a very good way to go about it.  I would recommend just citing it how you normally would with just the Tweeter's (?) last name, because the work cited is what lets people know where the source is coming from.  Furthermore, I noticed there really wasn't a lot of sources used causing reliance on the same sources.  While this may not necessarily be a bad thing, I don't think you are supposed to constantly cite the same source a bunch of times in a row as you did in your second paragraph with (Smith).  The low amount of sources and 3 of them being from twitter also lowers credibility a bit when a reader sees your sources.

I did like how you made us of first person which I felt helped with appealing to pathos.

Peer Review 13A

Peer review of Jason Boley's essay on its content.

Overall, Jason's essay is well written and he clearly meets the requirements for project 3 as outlined in the rubric.  The main thing that I would suggest is to perhaps more explicitly state what you mean by the "compromise" between the various groups that are involved.  This would help the reader have a more clear understanding of what exactly the paper is going to be arguing.  Also, I would recommend changing the title to something that better states what the paper is about (i.e, the title has no mention of the highway).

I really liked the way that Jason incorporated his sources by having footnotes on each page of which sources he used.  I also liked how he included his name and the page number on every page which I need to use in my own essay.

Other than better explaining his paper's argument in the intro, Jason's paper is very well done and researched.

Reflection on Local Revision Process

Well I finished my 3rd Project in the course.  Here are some closing thoughts on my experiences in getting my project ready to release!

What were some of the successes (or, things that went right) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.

I felt as though I made strong revisions which not only made my paper's argument stronger, but also made my sentence fluency and grammar more sound.

What were some of the challenges (or, things that went wrong) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.

I had a sort of internal struggle with how many counterarguments I should include in my paper because having too many counterarguments to argue against would cause my paper to be absurdly long.

How do you think next week will go, based on your experiences this week?

Well next week is gathering content for the final project so I feel as though it should be interesting at the least.

How are you feeling about the project overall at this point?

I feel good about my project, I feel as though I made a strong argument and wrote my argument in an essay form well.

Editorial Report 13B

Rough Cut:

With this paper, I hope that people hold Trump in a better light.  Trump is not the second coming

of Hitler, racist, misogynist, or a homophobe.  He holds strong opinions against illegal immigration 

which is important to make sure that American citizens are who come first.  America shouldn’t have 

to cater to illegal immigrants in which a noticeable amount are prone to committing crimes.  To be a 

strong nation, there must be borders.  Donald Trump is the man to make America safe and prosper.

Revised:

With this paper, I hope that people hold Trump in a better light.  Trump is not the second

coming of Hitler, racist, misogynist, or homophobic.  He holds strong stances against illegal immigration which is important to make sure that American citizens are who come first.  America shouldn’t have to cater to and care for illegal immigrants of which a noticeable amount are prone to committing crimes.  This is not to say that nobody should be allowed to enter the United States.  Anybody can come in as long as they come in legally.  To be a strong nation, there must be borders.  Donald Trump is the man who will make America safe and great again.

Questions

How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

This is my conclusion, and I edited some sentences so that the grammar works better and the sentences flow more.  I also added an additional couple sentences which helped summarize my paper's argument a little more.

How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

The form didn't really change much besides being slightly longer.

Editorial Report 13A

Rough Cut:

The Presidential election season is in full swing here in the United States.  An important aspect of America’s democratic society, the results from the elections can influence the entire country for years to come.  Among the frontrunning candidates to the presidential office is one standout:  Donald J. Trump.  Trump is a polarizing figure to many people, and tends to draw a lot of emotionally charged criticism and hatred.  Many consider Trump to be a bigot, a misogynist, and a homophobe, you name it.  This in part due to the treatment Trump gets from the mainstream media, who have seemed to have an agenda against Trump in order to paint him in a negative light thus far in the election season.  However, this paper will dispel the common accusations against Trump and talk about why Trump would make a good president by specifically looking at his stances on illegal immigration.

Revised:

About the author:  Ryan Wolfe is an Asian-American attending the University of Arizona as a member of the Honors College and is majoring in Electrical and Computer Engineering.  Ryan has been involved with politics at the local and state level in Arizona since 2014.

The Presidential election season is in full swing here in the United States.  An important aspect of America’s democratic society, the results from the elections can influence the entire country for years to come.  Among the frontrunning candidates to the presidency is one standout:  Donald J. Trump.  Trump is a polarizing figure to many people, and tends to draw a lot of emotionally charged criticism and hatred.  Many consider Trump to be a bigot, a misogynist, and a homophobe, you name it.  This image is in part due to the treatment Trump gets from the mainstream media, who have seemed to have an agenda against Trump in order to paint him in a negative light thus far in the election season.  However, this paper will dispel the common accusations against Trump’s character and then talk about why Trump would make a good president by specifically looking at his stances on illegal immigration.

Questions

How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

In the main introduction paragraph I slightly edited my thesis so that the focus of my paper is more clear to my audience.  I also added a segment at the beginning of my paper which gives information about myself as the author.  I felt like this established some credibility and give some insight to the reader about who's words they are reading.

How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

The form changed in that there is an additional blurb at the beginning of my essay.  I feel as though this makes my essay have more character to it as it establishes information about the author and looks like how you would see an essay in an academic journal.

Revised Post to Peer Reviewers

Well I finished my essay so I am feeling pretty good about myself.  I have already turned in my essay on D2L but if there is any additional criticism I guess can always resubmit.

Key information about your particular project that you would like anyone who peer reviews your draft to know

The main thing about my project is that it is defending and supporting Donald Trump who I know a lot of people have strong negative reactions to.  Just be sure to go into my essay with an open mind.

Major issues or weaknesses in the “Fine Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those weaknesses)

The one weakness in my paper I feel is that I didn't provide all of the counterarguments that could be argued against my paper.  I just didn't want to make a stupidly long essay to cover all of the bases for a highly intricate and controversial argument.

Major virtues or strengths in the “Fine Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those strengths)

I feel as though I did a good job of using a lot of sources and putting them to use in my paper.  I felt as though this helped with my credibility as well as appealing to logos through facts.

LINK TO FINE CUT

Peer Review Post Production Phase 1 B

For my second peer review I reviewed Malik Bullock's video essay script on the minimum wage controversy.

I reviewed his script on its content.

LINK to my review

Peer Review Post-Production Phase 1 A

Review of Sofia Haserot's video essay script about Obamacare.

I reviewed her essay script on its content.

LINK to my review

Reflection on Post Production Phase 1 (Project 3)

What were some of the successes (or, things that went right) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.

I feel as though my essay turned out very solid.  It is a good length (over 5 pages), and I feel as though my thoughts were articulated well and my argument was strong.

What were some of the challenges (or, things that went wrong) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.

To be honest I didn't have any challenges this week.  I feel strongly about what I am arguing about so it was easy to write about.

How do you think next week will go, based on your experiences this week?

Next week should be fairly simple and stress free because all I really have to do is fine tune my essay.

How are you feeling about the project overall at this point?

A+

Open Post to Peer Reviewers Project 3

Link to Rough Cut

Hello potential peer reviewers.  I would like to preface with the fact that I wrote a pro-Trump argument, so I would like you to go into my paper with an open mind.  I feel as though a weakness in my paper was that I did not address all potential counter arguments to my argument.  So if you know of any counter arguments to what I discussed I would appreciate it if you would detail them.

Editorial Report Project 3 B

For this editorial report I will be comparing my conclusion from my rough cut to my edited version.

Rough Cut

With this paper, I hope that people hold Trump in a better light.  Trump is not the second coming of Hitler, racist, misogynist, or a homophobe.  He holds strong opinions against illegal immigration which is important to make sure that American citizens are who come first.  America shouldn’t have to cater to illegal immigrants in which a noticeable amount are prone to committing crimes.  To be a strong nation, there must be borders.  Donald Trump is the man to make America safe and prosper.

Edited version.

The goal of this paper was for people to hold Trump in a better light and even consider him as one of the top presidential candidates.  Trump is not the second coming of Hitler, racist, misogynist, or a homophobe.  He holds strong opinions against illegal immigration which is important to make sure that American citizens are who come first.  America shouldn’t have to cater to illegal immigrants in which a noticeable amount are prone to committing crimes.  To be a strong nation, there must be borders.  Donald Trump is the man to make America safe and "great again."

Questions

How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

For my conclusion I changed the first sentence.  I feel as though my new sentence is more professional and I didn't like how I used "I" in my original cut.  Furthermore, I changed the end sentence so that it included a variation of Trump's campaign motto "Make America great again."

How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

Because I am doing a college essay, there really weren't any form changes.